Wednesday, July 19, 2023

I now want to smack my younger self

Let me preface this post with the opening thought that I understand how hard it is for women to get into the bathrooms to pee, particularly during an intermission or halftime or where ever there seems to be a time limit before the event starts again. Truly, I understand it. And yet that is not what I am going to reference today.

Instead I am going to discuss men's urinals. In particular how I have changed my view with age. I used to line up for the urinals, and back in the olden days you just lined up behind someone (at the theater now it is 1 line for all and goes quicker). Anywho, I sometimes was in line and didn't see the old man a two people ahead of me. And then he gets to the front, and boy o boy, what a wait. I have less and less patience as the other lines go quickly.

Now I have to pee a lot and this old guy is, literally*, taking forever. I want both to pee, and to knock him on the head and ask what the hell is wrong.

Years fly by...

Now I AM that old guy. And I understand. First, it takes longer to start than it should. And giving me the evil eye behind me doesn't make me go faster. In fact, the pressure makes it take longer to start.

Then you have the "stream". Without going to far into it, the stream is not nearly as impressive as you get older. It's not as strong, yet it has to expel out the same amount of pee. So it takes longer - obviously. 

And then there is the end. No matter how much you shake tug or pull, you get the dribbles. To avoid the dribbles you have to stand even longer, but you are getting the evil eye. 

So you zip up and immediately have to pee a little bit more. And you hold it in soooo hard. To no effect.

Ah, age .....

* in this case I am using the term "literally" as it's new dictionary definition of (2) "figuratively". Which is asinine, but let's not go far down that rabbit hole.

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