Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Daily Stoic November 30

This is the last Daily Stoic of November. I don't know if you remember (or if I even said) the month of November was all about Amor Fati or "Acceptance of Fate". I think this last meditation is a summation of the month.

The person who follows reason in all things will have both the leisure and a readiness to act - they are at once cheerful and self-composed.

Marcus Aureliu

Cheerful? That sounds a stretch. 

But, I can say since I have tried to be more stoic and less reading into things I have been happier. And when Ed reads shit into what I say - a habit as a relationship ages - I stop and try to explain that my comment isn't a judgement. My comments are, or try to be, just a comment on where an issue is at. Which, I totally get is unlike me. And unlike his entire life, passive aggressive people have simple reinforced this impulse in him. Removing the anger of the moment has helped me and our relationship.

Example: Ed, Jane and I were sitting around her table and the talk moved to our retirement plans. It is a discussion that is fraught for us. I am ready to retire, get out of the country and live like a gypsy for a bit (in the derogatory way). Ed is now about 18 months away from retiring or at least taking a sabbatical. His idea of retire is different than mine.

To me, his plan is (was) kind of bullshit. In my mind I have been quite clear about what I want, and if he didn't agree he should have said so earlier. Jane helped to lower the temperature on our debate, and Ed and I both decided to listen.

Now it isn't the first time someone has tried to mediate this particular issue. But it is the first time I have been in the head space to listen. Then... I accepted that this moment is a new beginning. My grasping to the past is a product of history and learned reaction from my father. So, I let my predisposition and hurt go. Ed is not trying to trap or ignore me. And by doing so, Ed seemed to be happy to both be heard and then listen.

I have changed my outlook a bit and Ed has clarified his. I had to let go of my obsession and listen to his point from this moment. Without anger and judgement of the past. It has helped my attitude and my happiness immensely. It has, I think, helped clarify our wants and desires for the future. And a way for us to collaborate for the future.

It is freeing.

I can't help it.
All the illustrations for things like this are very "new agey"


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