Call It. May 6th - 20:35 GMT

 Call it! Completed at 20:35 GMT on 6 May 2021.

I have spent most of my life trying to avoid being crazy. Either: a) crazy like my father - Sociopath and Narcissist (later to learn his was a pedophile) or b) crazy like my first step father - Violent, Anti-Social and pedophile or c: crazy like my Grandfather - Bipolar and just fucking mean (albeit not to me).

In an attempt to avoid these consequences: I have been put on medication - off and on - since 8th grade, I have been in therapy multiple times, I have self-medicated with exercise, meditation and drugs, I have tried to find the humor in life with nincompoopery. I've tried being: gregarious, quiet, contemplative, educated, well-read, self-deprecating, braggadocios, polite, charming, introspective, ingratiating and anything else I can think of at various times. I have tried to be the best person I can be for the people I love.

Yesterday finally broke me. I don't have to go through a litany of the worlds' problems right now. But I do want people to understand that I am spent. 

The proverbial straw:

6th grader. So... 11 or 12 years old (I was 10 in 6th grade, but I skipped 1/2 a grade).

And you know what, that story barely made the news.

This isn't a "I'm going to kill myself" or I'm giving up on life" post. But it is a "this isn't working anymore post." I don't know what to try next. But I know THIS (he said gesturing at the world) is not working.

for a funnier take on this same theme....

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