Monday, July 6, 2020

Must … Explain … Angst

I blame my father, Jerry Mitchell – Gerald Albert Mitchell, for my supreme angst right now. I shall attempt to explain.


My father was, as I have stated, a narcissistic sociopath. This was manifest many, many ways, but the way we will discuss now are his promises.


Let us say it was a Sunday, and you were driving around, and you saw a new theater, miniature golf course, pool, mall, store … whatever it was. And you both commented on it, but you thought no more about it.


Then on Tuesday he says something like, “I’m going to take Saturday off, let’s go see that new movie.” You get a little happy. But you know better than to mention it again. Then Thursday comes and he says, “Remember, we are going to see that movie Saturday.”


He mentions it again on Friday.


Saturday comes, and you are excited. You get dressed. And when he sees you, he says, “You look nice, what’s going on?” And you explain you’re going to the movies. And he says, right. But nothing happens. Movie time is 1:00. You know you have to leave home at 12:40. But at 12:30, nothing is happening. You wait, and then say, “You have to get ready.” And he says, “No, we’ll go to a later show. Let’s go to lunch first.”


And you go to lunch at somewhere he loves and thinks you like (Hot Dog stand), but you hate hot dogs and after 11 years he still doesn’t fucking remember what you don’t eat. But you choke it down, and you walk around some lame ass area where he tries to pick up girls. And you ask about the movie, and he says, “Still plenty of time”. And then you go to home to get ready, but he needs a nap. Then it is too late, and he says, “Don’t worry, we’ll go tomorrow.” But you worry, because you know what is going on.


Tomorrow comes and you say, “Are we still seeing the movie?” And he says, annoyed, “We did everything you wanted yesterday! We’ll go some other time.”


Now say this happens 80% of the time. NOT every time. Sometimes, like a fucking rat with a reward, he does take you golfing or to the movies or Knott’s Berry Farm. Other times he “forgets”, has a date, drops you at Grandma’s with no notice. Whatever the fuck.


You learn - because you are reminded at least 2 or 3 times a week: things happen, or promises are “forgotten”. And, when promises are ignored, you are the Asshole that can’t let it go, or don’t know how lucky you have it.


And that stays. For you for your entire life, things always go wrong. And, somehow, it i s always your fault. And learning doesn't make you smart, it makes you bad. Because now you are that dick that is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, or that asshole that is always finding fault. Or not investing. Or looking on the bad side.


I say that as a preliminary to the news that our dog is not here yet.

So far it has been because he can’t fly because of the heat.

  • Now, starting day1, I said I would go fly and get him.
  • No, they will airship him. That is how it works.
    • Still can't fly, too hot. It's fine, I'll get him.
  • No, the Covid is horrible, he will fly fine – and no one will get sick.
    • No, it’s too hot.
  • Now we are waiting for one of the guys to “see when he has to be in St. Louis” so we can meet him there.

He will tell us early this week.


Now put part 1 and part 2 of this story together and you will see why I am sure we will get the dog soon. But I know we won’t ever get him.

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