A Refelection

I have never ben more weary.

When Trump was first elected, my doctor posted a note about how the next four years would be tough. But, he said, we who disagreed should engage, educate and be ready for a tough 4 years. He was never so right. Scooter is weary.

No funny names, or memes, just a horrible weariness against what is a never ending horrible, sad, disgusting time for our country. From large to small.

Large - yesterday another black man was shot by police for no reason. He was carrying a phone and went out to talk to the police who visited for a noise complaint. The police didn't turn on the cameras until AFTER he was shot dead. But there is a 60 second buffer, so you can see the shooting, albeit without sound and no extra context. But AGAIN. A.G.A.I.N.

The noise complaint was for intermittent noise. What made 2 white officers decide that loud noise bothering a neighbor was worthy of a man's life? And worthy of a man's life and not bothering to turn on their body cameras. Nothing. But a black man is worth nothing in this country. Literally a black man's life is not worth noise. A cigarette. A jog. Sitting in a car.

How do you explain a Black man's life is worth, LITERALLY, less than a Snapple and twizzlers?

Weary. From the serious and life losing to the mean and petty.

Mean and Petty new rules.

No more. Please.

No.

More.

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I remember that day in November 2016. The day Dr. Gary called to make sure I was okay. I remember saying I don't know if I can "teach" anymore. If I can teach that I am not a devil because I am married to a man. The day I said, I didn't think I would make it out from four years under a person who lies, demeans and ruins people for his personal enjoyment.

I still don't know. I do know, I will never be the same.

Things change you. Mark's death made me want to live for the day and the moment. Trump's Presidency has made me realize that the country I love isn't the country I thought it was. That Americans have so much hatred in them.

Just. Weary.